The Woman is Always But A Woman

It has been a while, since my last post, and that is because I was very very busy the last week. Busy because I had guests at home, and guests who have left me completely disenchanted and disillusioned. I have known them a while, but this was the first time that we stayed together.I think that is what brought out many ugly truths, about the reality of the urban Indian woman to me. I could not quite accept what I saw, but I cannot dismiss the truth and reality of it all either.

I have always believed that degrees and qualifications, do not necessarily ensure an open accepting mind, and my belief was strongly re-enforced by what I observed during their stay here. She is a doctor, who cooks and cleans and cares for her husband and son. She works and earns too. Quite like me, except for the working bit I had thought, but that is exactly where the similarities end. She does not have control over her bank accounts, or even her ATM card. I could not believe it.Really could not, how can one earn money and have no control over he earning, that is just unreal to me. What is economic independence, if your finances are not under your control. After living in the world of blogs the past few months, where women proudly hold on to their maiden surname post marriage, this was a real shock to me. She is a doctor for heaven's sake, not the maid, whose drunk husband takes away her earnings. How are things different in both cases I wonder. The difference is that she willingly lets it be this way, while the maid would probably fight to save her earning. She actually had to ask her husband before purchasing things and request him to pay for them. To be honest we have only one earning member in our family at present, and we do consult each other before non-essential purchases, but it is not about seeking permission ever. I could not believe what I saw. Such things in modern, urban living?

There was more to follow. The man drinks and regularly too. He loves to drink, and so the DH and he make good drinking buddies. I guess friends are meant for that, hanging around, over some drinks. Which was all well, till the night I wanted a drink too. After an entire day of running around, and managing two little brats, I wanted to unwind. I suggested that glasses be poured out for me and the lady too, since it was Vodka that night, a drink that I can handle. The woman of course in true bharatiya nari style has never even sipped a drink, so I suggested she gives it a try. The man was shocked at my brazen boldness I think. He could not say a clear no in our presence, but made it quite clear indirectly that he did not want his wife drinking. She of course obediently said no, inspite of the initial show of enthusiasm. I actually ended up letting her steal a sip off my glass, hiding from her husband. Can you imagine a grown woman, a mother having to hide and do things. There were obviously many questions about my drinking, but the first took the cake, because of the shocked surprise in which the DH was asked, "She drinks?". I think this irritated the DH more than it did me. They were seriously shocked that I drank. I actually got all defensive and finally said, I hardly ever drink. I regret that now. How can anyone drink and think it is ok for him to do so, but not his wife. Such hypocritical double standards. Disgusting.

What bothers me most is that the woman quietly accepts all of this, and does not even think there is anything wrong with the way things are. There can be no change, till she demands it and moreimportantly wants it.I have come to realise that academic education alone will not help liberate women, there has to be an opening up of the minds too. Its the self understanding and acceptance that is needed. A million degrees would not ensure that the person actually realises what women's liberation means. I really had higher hopes from the urban Indian woman, I had thought she has travelled to much greater heights than this. This is just not acceptable. We cannot accept being trampled.